LSR eBook 4 - The 'Honeymoon' Is Over – Now What? + 10 Communication Strategies
Ask Yourself. Am I Present? Awaken the Observer and Come Present to Now.
With great gratitude, appreciation and praise we welcome you to the creation space of self love, courage, inspiration and the peace of mind that comes from gently balancing and lowering your brainwaves.
Listening to this THETA wave will assist you in creating a transformative meditative state, that will quiet your mind, relieve tension in your body, soothe your spirit, and help you remember how good it feels to be fully present in this beautiful moment of now.
Listen to this THETA brainwave as you study the following lesson.
Have you ever noticed how people change when they are in a committed relationship? Have you ever experienced how your partner just doesn't seem to be the same person as the one you married and the spark seems to be missing? This is not necessarily confined to married couples. This can and does happen to all types of relationships, but is most pronounced in long-term relationships. You may notice, if you eavesdrop into a male populated bar, men talking about how the wife is fully to blame for this situation and now that she has caught her man, she is hell-bent on changing him. I am sure that women's circles have a very different story about how the guy has lost interest in them and doesn't seem to notice them anymore. Well, the question remains, what really happened to the relationship?
To help answer this question, and to give you some information on how to stop this happening to your relationship, let's first look at life in general. Life is made up of stages, and during the transition from one stage to another, one experiences turmoil and confusion. These stages actually start right at birth. We have all heard of the "terrible two's." A child turns from being a complete angel to a terrorizing monster for a year or two. Well think of it from the child's point of view for a second. They have just spent the first two years of their life getting used to their new surroundings, being completely helpless, getting used to their body and its limitations and they are just now learning to communicate with their parents and siblings. They are also becoming more and more self-aware and, in short, are transitioning from the stage of being an infant, to being a toddler. Of course there is going to be turmoil and confusion! A similar thing, but on a much bigger scale, happens when they go from being children, through puberty and into their teenage years.
Ok, so what does all this have to do with relationships? Well, look at it in terms of stages. In each stage of life, an individual is involved in many different things. For want of a better word, I will call each of these things a game. As a person enters a new stage, the "games" that they play and the rules they once used change. As a person enters the adult stage, there are basically two predominant games being played: love and career. Now, lets take a look at what is involved in their search for love: they are out meeting people, going to parties, dating and having a lot of fun (and also suffering setbacks along the way). But, everything they do involves searching for the perfect person to spend the rest of their life with. All rules of the game apply to finding the perfect mate. Well, once they have found the right person, things start to change. The game of finding love ends and another one, the game of getting married, begins. And, a whole new set of rules apply.
Now, what you have here are a number of extremely large life changes happening at once. After a while of being together, people tend to get so involved in the various "personal" games they are playing that they lose sight of the overall game as a couple: loving each other and creating a happy, stable and very successful home life. This can happen in a number of ways: one, or both of you, get so involved in the game of furthering your careers that you neglect each other; other factors enter into the relationship that were unforeseen and throw you off-track; financial worries and unforeseen bills create stress. These other factors are numerous and can unknowingly take up so much of your time that you wake up one day and wonder what happened to your "old life".
Two things. Firstly, don't lose sight of the real game in a relationship. Keep your goals as a couple stable and always in sight. When you act, compare your actions to that goal and everything else will fall into place. The other, is be mindful of the changes that have occurred in both of your lives and give each other the support, space and understanding they need to come to terms with these changes. As the popular Beatles quote goes, "In the end the love you take is equal to the love you make."
10 Communication Strategies
Communication is often cited as the number one problem area in a relationship. If two people understand this, and are working towards having great communication, then how can they still run into problems? The reason is there may be many unknown factors contributing to the demise of a couple's communication. In this article we'll take a look at ten possible communication blocks that may be happening in your relationship.
1 Language
If you or your partner speak a different first language, there can be a lot of semantic misunderstandings that may or may not be obvious. If you feel you're not being understood, really take the time to explain what you are trying to communicate.
2 Culture
With the Internet helping bridge gaps across territorial boundaries that once existed, this block is more important than ever. Just because you grew up with a certain philosophy about something, does not guarantee your partner did the same. Don't assume you know what your partner is thinking of or feeling about a certain issue. If you find yourselves on different sides of a disagreement, take the time to find out why they view it so differently. It could very well be they were brought up to believe things differently. Respect their choices and try and find some common ground you can both work from.
3 Truth, Or The Lack Of
One of the main culprits of blocking communication is the lack of truth and honesty. This is true even if you tell yourself that it isn't dishonest if you withhold a truth. For proper communication to be established, both parties involved need to be aware of everything relevant. Otherwise, one partner is always going to be hindered.
4 False Pretenses
This block is pretty self-explanatory. If someone tells you they are something they are not, chances are you're going to find out about it sooner or later, and not be too happy about it.
5 Expectations
What are your expectations of each other? How many times have you had disagreements about what you each expect from the other? If you don't clearly lay down what you both expect from each other in the roles you play (father, mother, lover, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc.) you will run into this disagreement fairly often.
6 Misunderstandings
The bulk of disagreements come down to one single thing, misunderstandings. One person interpreted something differently; the other assumed they understood what they were saying. If you are in a disagreement make your first priority to find out if there is a misunderstanding. If there is, find out as soon as possible what the misunderstanding is. You'll save yourself some very unhappy moments!
7 History (Past Experiences)
Most people apply the philosophy of "let the past be my guide". Well this is great unless your past is riddled with mistrust, abuse or any other negative experiences. Remember your partner is someone new; don't compare him or her to a past experience.
8 On A Pedestal
If you find yourself thinking you are better (overall) than your partner, you're setting your relationship up for failure. How is it possible to accept any communication from someone you don't have respect for?
9 Aloofness
How do you kill a conversation in two seconds or less? Talk to someone too aloof to reciprocate any comments. Aloofness can indicate the person has shut down on some level. If you notice your partner doing this, try asking them more self-opinionated questions such as: how do you want to handle this, or what do you really think about this? Obviously this won't work if you ask them with an obvious attitude attached.
10 Third Party
How can you effectively communicate with someone if you have to, in effect, talk to two or possibly more people? This is the case of someone who's been "third partied", a term that refers to when a friend, parent or someone else has spoken with your partner regarding their opinion of you (and they will have one even if they haven't met you). Not only do you have to allay your partner's fears or concerns, but that of someone else's--usually without even talking to them. The most successful of relationships happen when the couple makes a strong commitment to never let anyone else contribute negativity to the relationship.