LSR eBook 6 - How To Know If You Are Ready For Breakup
Ask Yourself. Am I Present? Awaken the Observer and Come Present to Now.
With great gratitude, appreciation and praise we welcome you to the creation space of self love, courage, inspiration and the peace of mind that comes from gently balancing and lowering your brainwaves.
Listening to this THETA wave will assist you in creating a transformative meditative state, that will quiet your mind, relieve tension in your body, soothe your spirit, and help you remember how good it feels to be fully present in this beautiful moment of now.
Listen to this THETA brainwave as you study the following lesson.
Breaking up is a serious decision that affects the rest of your life as well as that of your partner. We all get frustrated or, angry in relationships from time to time, feeling as if we never really were in love or that there is someone better or that problems you didn't realize the other person had (or how bad they were) are crippling your relationship, or many other things that make us wonder if we should just leave. If you are having these thoughts often, it's time to take stock.
Take it seriously and treat this question with the time and effort it deserves...after all, you probably didn't arrange the relationship in five minutes, so why not spend some deep quality time on this important question? A great benefit of spending the time and effort to complete the exercise below is the great insight and clarity that will result. Sometimes just being clear about a situation mysteriously causes a situation to shift. At the least your clarity will yield some unexpected insights and provide a new way to talk about the issues that are causing you to consider something as serious as divorce.
NOTE: Begin to awaken your deepest understanding as you will be writing down what you want. The process of writing these things out is extremely important on your journey to understanding whether or not it is time for a breakup.
Step 1 Let's find out what is “bugging” you.
Here we will determine what segment of your life you want to work on today.
Instructions:
Make a list of all the areas in your life with your spouse you are currently dissatisfied with.
You can access this by listing how you spend your time, where you spend your time and with whom you spend your time. When was the last time you felt anger, frustration, fear, helplessness, guilt, etc. Then ask yourself: Who was I with?
Where was I?
What was I doing?
From the above list, select one topic or phrase and insert it here:____________. (e.g., I feel frustrated every time I try to talk to him. We never have sex anymore. He/She is always drunk. He/She always lies to me. I hate doing all the housework.)
Use this same topic for the rest of this exercise.
Now, you know what is bothering you.
Write down anything you have seen or learned from this step that seems important.
Step 2 : Expectations
The topic I am looking at is _________________.
Now: Imagine your situation in the beginning of having this feeling or issue.
What was happening?
What good things can you remember?
List what your dreams were for _______________: (insert your issue: eg, communication, sex, alcohol use etc)
In the beginning I…
1.
2.
I envisioned…
1.
2.
I always thought that…
1.
2.
We planned to...
1.
2.
It seemed like we would…
1.
2.
Now you know what your expectations are for the situation.
Step 3
Title: The Here and Now
Description:
How does your _________________ NOW differ from the _________________ (expectations) described in Step #2?
Compare each situation in step #2 to how it is TODAY.
Old Dream (Step #2)
Today's Reality (Step #3)
1,
2.
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10.
How many items are the same in both columns: __________
Now you know where your frustration lies. Your current reality does not match up to your past vision.
Step 4
Future Tripping
Description:
This step is a complete fantasy about this situation.
List the ways you would ideally rearrange this so you can get everything you want from it. This is your opportunity to change it. Go for it! Write down how it would be if it met your deepest fantasies, whether they seem realistic or totally impossible to ever achieve - tell it like it should be!
List ANY and ALL changes you would like to have in your situation:
1.
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10.
Conclusion:
Now you know what your real wants are in this situation.
Step 5
Making Assumptions
This step tells you if you are operating on current or outdated information.
Instructions:
Concerning _______________, fill in the following chart:
What I know about or don't know about: Date I last checked it out:
1.
2.
3.
4.
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6.
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10.
Circle any of the above that you want to update.
You now know what you want, what information you now have and
what is keeping you from having your ideal right now. Congratulations!
Step 6
Title: Prediction for the other person
Description:
What will happen to (name)___________ if the situation stays the same?
Instructions:
Draw a chart below, which most closely shows the progression of events that will happen to _____________ if things stay exactly the same. Either use the form below or create your own.
First….
Then…
Then….
Then…
Then
Now you know what to expect in the future if you don't choose to change the situation.
Step 7
Title: Your prediction for you
Description:
What will happen to you if you stay in this relationship with ___________ and _____________ does not change?
Instructions:
Draw a chart that most closely shows the progression of events that will happen to YOU if _______________ stays exactly the same. Use the chart below or design your own.
First….
Then…
Then….
Then…
Then….
How will this affect me?
Physically?
Mentally?
Emotionally?
Spiritually?
Now you know where you will end up if you choose to remain in this pattern without changing it.
Step 8
Title: Fear of the Unknown
Description: What you are doing to keep yourself in this negative situation?
Instructions: List the WORST thing that can happen to you if you choose to change. Then list the SECOND WORST etc.
The worst thing that could happen is …
The second worst thing that could happen is….
The third worst thing that could happen is….
The fourth worst thing that could happen is …..
Now you have made the unknowns known.
What are you going to do now?
Step 9
THERE IS NO CHOICE IN THE UNDISTINGUISHED:
You have just taken yourself through a process of thoroughly examining your situation. You have revealed hidden and undistinguished components of the situation that have kept you stuck in what was quite possibly an unworkable situation.
GOING INTO ACTION:
Given your new level of insight, you will probably feel empowered to either have a really straight conversation or get the situation re-designed to accommodate your needs or remove yourself from the situation entirely.
COURAGE AND INTEGRITY:
It requires courage and integrity to examine your true feelings in old and unworkable situations where we remain out of habit and passivity.
It requires even more courage and integrity to speak the truth about our feelings and communicate our deepest needs not only to ourselves but also to the others involved.
It takes the utmost courage and personal integrity to act in accordance with the internal truth of our being and re-design our lives in ways that are in alignment with our truest values and highest visions for ourselves.
THE CHOICE IS YOURS:
You now know where you stand in this situation.
You know what is most important to you.
You know what the cost of remaining silent is to you.
What is your next step?